We are Sichuan Food Funeral Service Ltd. We might sound new to you but we are a household name in China, for we are a company that has been established in China for well over two thousand years. If death is the only thing that's certain in life, so does our good service!
Currently we are providing two types of burial service to your beloved food. One is burial in soil and the another is burial at sea. But because of Sichuan's special climate and unique produce, there are some, allow us put it this way, minor modification in the execution of these traditional service.
To bury the remains in land, the soil used in a Sichuan funeral is unique. You see, Sichuan is the only place in China to have its chillies outnumber its sand. So to use our natural resource to the fill, we Sichuanese use chillies in funerals, which has always been the case from the very beginning of our history. Varied chillies are used subject to our client's request. The most popular choice are Chinese peppers, huajiao, dried or fresh; star anises and chillies. Experience from our cemetery, aka the kitchen, shows that this kind of burial suits animals like chicken, duck and tofu best. The most celebrated funeral we've organized so far is Mapo Tofu, but the fame of drooling chicken, or spicy chicken is catching up apace posthumously...
Another kind of service we're also providing is burial at sea. Again, because of Sichuan's special terroir, the sea we referring to is also one of its kind: not a blue one but a sea of red and one that full of chillies, sesame oil and Chinese peppers. Again, this proves overwhelmingly successful for the prevention of rottenness on the remains of fish, crabs, shrimps and beef. No a single bug has been reported over the years. In fact, most creatures in this planet have shown lethal numbness symptom upon the mere tip or sniff of this Sichuanese Sea.
Unfortunately, some funeral establishments have been circulating malicious rumor in an attempt to put our good-natured business in jeopardy at the expanse of theirs; but rest assured -- even though damage reports by Sichuanese or Mexican (for they are the only two people seemingly immune to the hotness of the chillies and peppers) have been filed sporadically; the deceased could be 100% safe as long as you can keep the
bowl or plate coffin away from their dinning tables...