Chrissie, AngelaBaby, JaniceMan, Annabella, A.Lin, Annie G, Anjaylia, E-Cup Baby, Manga Maggie, Rainbow and the Tasty Angels...
I must confess the idea that these are the alias of some screwed-up hip-hop singers did flash for a split second as I typed this. But this is far from it. What you read are the names of a bunch of so-called "pseudo-models".
And, what's more, just like you, I've no idea what the hell a pseudo-model is when this term first came up to me when I was reading the SCMP while waiting for my private jet for meeting on issues about global warming in Geneva. Back then, I was tempted to think that that is some models devised by mathematicians to solve the problems of the world before I realized it is tailored by the English press for models in their teens.
Although you can always argue the variance between cup size 34C & 34D IS something experts should analyze in particular for academic achievement thorough out their career.
While it's encouraging to see the English press is finally catching up with the social phenomena, it is sad to see how out of sync they are with the locals. For that's there's no way we're calling these models with that peculiar term. Across the board, we call them liang-mo "靚模" in Cantonese. Compounding the word liang (teenagers) and mo (an abruptly chopped-up word for models, locals ever-lasting battle to make every English words into one syllable).
Despite the lost in translation, the confluence of liang mo and the fast food culture is still validly here. More than ever, sophistication is taken as a burden. Hong Kong, as a place, is all about face value.
Still, why swim against the tide when it couldn't be more obvious that things have changed? To keep the music playing even when such a fad is done with, I might just throw out a few more Cantonese nomenclature with translation just in case:
- If you're no more in your teens, you become a chun-mo 中模 (middle-aged model);
- If your sophistication level is even higher than the first one, you become a suk-mo 熟模 (ripe model);
- If you're originally from the Sichuan province China, you are a 'Chuan-Mo, 川模;
- If you're a mix, you're a wan-mo 混模 (mix model);
- If you're born ugly and too poor for nip and tuck -- yet still die to be a model, you're a chiu-mo 潮模 (chic model), for there's no word else for attention whore like you;
- If your hands look great, you can of course be a sou-mo 手模 (hand model);
- Likewise, if you've a good nose and you want to earn your keep with it, you're a bay-mo 鼻模 (nose model);
- If you're gifted with a pair of spindly legs, you can be a gaek-mo, 腳模 (leg model);
- If anything goes and you don't mind flashing your whole body, you're a tui-mo 脫模 (nude model);
- If you're frequently booked for shows selling lingerie, you're a yu-mo 乳模 (breast model)
- If you've good teeth, and not shy to flaunt it, you'e a good chee-mo 齒模 (teeth model) in the making; and finally,
- Luck is you if have good voice and can sing like a lark, for you're a born yin-mo 音模 (voice model).
Now though, I've a more pressing issue to deal with, which is, what to do with the name of this laid-back, make-do Taiwanese deep-fried chicken breast specialist, opened by a lovely Taiwanese lady? There's little hesitation when I settle for "I Love Taiwanese Chicks Fried Chickens". Because, at the end of the day, whether I call it a gal, bird, cat, fox or lady, it's all the same woman to me.
