As everyone get worked up by the parades and fireworks for the 60th anniversary of the People's Republic of China, I can't help but notice that, six decades on, we've actually made zero progress in naming a dish for our nation.
In a span of six decades, the Communist has managed to transform China from a nation of poverty to one of prosperity. Case in point, every grey-brick courtyard and garden of Old Peking are bulldozed for boxy and uniform high-rises; every prostitute and concubinage -- the so-called the feudal relic of capitalism, are swept from the street to make room for san pei xiaojie (hostess who accompanies clients in drinking, singing and dancing). As a economy that's growing leaps and bound sadly though, there's naught at the dining table to honor the spirit of 1.3 billion people.
The more I think about this, the more the news of all these jubilations become grated on my ears. In fact, I gnash my teeth just to think how hapless and directionless we are on this. Look around, where's the daizibao (大痣報) for this? We survive the daguofan (big cauldron of canteen food), outlast the Red Guards, and even bar the fabulous Gang of Four, yet we fall short to determine what our national dish is?! Is this the personification of egalitarianism or the art of idling, or altogether a joke?!
Alas, had Chairman Mao still be alive today, he would have echoed my loathing for this too. After all, he is the guy who once said that eating is the greatest problem for mankind.
"A revolution is not a dinner party, pussy-losers!" So said Chairman Mao. Such statement can't be truer today than ever. Taking this discourse by heart, I decided it's time like this that summons a benevolent dictatorship and it's time for me to bombard the headquarters of haughtiness and to reinstall the true nature of my countryman -- just to show how loyal I'm to Chairman Mao. Ah, what's the English term for this endeavor? All this for us to have a say (話"乳"權) at the dining table.
So mark this the day, my dearest comrade, the eve of Oct 1, 2009, with Chairman Mao's little red book (毛主席乳露語錄) in my hand and my head facing towards the waving national flag high at the Tiananmen Square, I proudly and solemnly, announce, scrambled eggs and tomatoes is our national dish.
to be continued...
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