Cha Xiu Bao

酒池肉林 JinChi RouLin

Ladies and gentlemen, with this picture taken from an onsen in Japan, the food-related Chinese idiom I'm sharing today is 酒池肉林 jinchi roulin, or "pond of wine and woods of flesh" in English. You could say this to someone who's leading a very promiscuous life, as well as to describe a dining table strewed with a galore of wines and meats.

Moving slightly lower down the ethicalscale, you can also exclaim jinchi roulin if you ever, found yourself in a nightclub, what with the new acquaintances sitting by your right and left and the bottles in front of a dancing floor. An extra-curricular usage I picked up from my unprincipled friends with "different" moral fiber than mine...

PS. Jason, Jacky and Henry, wherever you guys are, happy belated Bare Stick Festival, 光棍節快樂 guanggunjie kuaile!

The Tassel-rending Banquet 絕纓會

[The Monkey King giving a toast to his generals in the Hill of Flowers and Fruits, from Journey to the West]

楚莊王賜群臣酒，日暮酒酣，燈燭滅，乃有人引美人之衣者，美人援絕其冠纓，告王曰：「今者燭滅，有引妾衣者，妾援得其冠纓持之，趣火來上，視絕纓者。」王 曰：「賜人酒，使醉失禮，奈何欲顯婦人之節而辱士乎？」乃命左右曰：「今日與寡人飲，不絕冠纓者不歡。」群臣百有餘人皆絕去其冠纓而上火，卒盡歡而罷。居 三年，晉與楚戰，有一臣常在前，五合五奮，首卻敵，卒得勝之，莊王怪而問曰：「寡人德薄，又未嘗異子，子何故出死不疑如是？」對曰：「臣當死，往者醉失 禮，王隱忍不加誅也；臣終不敢以蔭蔽之德而不顯報王也，常願肝腦塗地，用頸血湔敵久矣，臣乃夜絕纓者。」遂敗晉軍，楚得以強，此有陰德者必有陽報也。
                                               ~~劉向．《說苑》卷六

The King Zhuang of Chu invited his generals to a banquet to celebrate victories. Everybody were elated as the night started falling in near the end. Suddenly the light ran out and the room was left in pitch black. Madame Hui, the beloved concubine of King Zhuang, was squeezed by someone in the dark. Still, Madame Hui managed to rend the tassel off from the armour wore by the culprit. "Someone groped me when the light is off," she piqued to King Zhuang, "and I have his tassel in my hand. Hurry, relight the candles to see who did it." However, the King repudiated: "My guests are carried away by the wine I gave in the first place. How can I humiliate a warrior for the chastity of a woman?" "Tonight, we shall tear off our tassel to show how happy we are," the King announced right the way. Candles were not lighted up until all the hundred-odd warriors obeyed joyfully to this decree. And so the banquet ended with all in high spirits.

Three years on, a war broke out between Chu and Jin. There was a vice marshal who repeatedly guarded King Zhuang at the risk of his life. He contended the opponents in five rounds of battle so daringly as though he knew nothing about death, and the troops won in a large part because of his endeavor. Later, King Zhuang asked the officer out of curiosity, "I cannot remember I have ever treated you with any favorite, why did you fight so bravely for me" "I should have been a dead man," confessed his vice marshal, "I was drunk and lost my manner but your highness forgave my fault and spared my life. But I shall not let the generosity fade away simply because of your bountiful forgiveness. I have vowed for long to repay this by scattering my guts and brain in the batterfield and shooting the enemy with the blood from my neck. Your servant, is the one whose tassel got rent at the banquet."

Before long, King Zhuang's force triumphed, and his kingdom grown stronger day by day ever since -- this proves the saying about you reap what your saw.

                                ~~Liu Xiang, Garden of Sayings, Chapter Six (trans. Cxb)

2,500 years forward, chance for a tassel-rending feast in HK can be booked here, forgiveness not guaranteed.

Hymn to the Virtues of Wine

I dedicate this hymn of wine, dated from the Western Jin dynasty (265-316), to all the wine-luverz out there. The author of this lovely work is Liu Ling, better known to us in China as the Wine Immortal. I so far cannot locate any English translation of it (no need to google: I shoveled as deep as page 169). Allow me to be the first assuming there isn't. Hopefully I'm not ruining such a fine piece of art on wine through my poor attempt!

There is a Mr. Sage. He takes the becoming of the universe for one morning and the eternity in the blink of an eye. The sun is his window and the moon his door, the corners of the world are merely drops of his backyard! He doesn't walk but wander and he dwells wherever he stops adrift. He has the clouds be his canopy and the earth be his mat.

Insouciantly, he goes about with his carafe and wine bowl dangling no matter in motion or stillness, completely awash with wine, completely free from all the ebbs and flows.

The glided heir and the dormant scholar heard about my reputation. They set out to denounce me. They run to me with their chests swelled and sleeves rolled; give me a verbiage of rites and rules with bulging eyes and trembling lips. I myself, however, hold up my keg and dipper with total disregard to their presence. Sipping my wine, playing my beard and sitting with my feet facing the pair -- same as blithely as I've always been -- as I listen to their raging snarl. Ha, with my koji-mold pillow and lee-mash cushion, I spoiled myself into seraphic sensation! I am as carefree as a man can be.

I drunk in a snap and I awake with a start. I hear not the roar of thunders in sheer tranquility; I make out not the silhouette of Mount Tai by bright clarity nor can I sense the any hoarse of the cold and hot. Value and vanity are nothing but floundering lotus leaves by the shores when I look down upon the myriad of chores.

Beside me, the two gentlemen are slurring as if moths and bees!

Life is just too short for bad wine. Whenever you find a beautiful wine, seize the moment and *to hell* with moderation.

Hangzhou Eats: Wu Dalang Baked Sesame Pie

Saw this guy touting his Wu Dalang Baked Sesame Pie (武大郎燒餅) with a pair of woodblocks in HeFang Street, Hangzhou and the puckish lingo bug of mine bit deep. It must be ages since last time I ate it, and for good reason since there's nothing handsome about this pie. Just pie or pancake baked with pepper and salt inside and frosted sesame with outside. Still, this pie is famous and ubiquitous in China not because of its taste but because of the person selling the pie, Wu Dalang. It might be the only food in China, or could well be the whole world for that matter, that its authenticity has nothing to do with the food itself but rather the outlook of the person selling it.

First off, Wu Dalang is a character featured in two Chinese literature epics across, the Water Margin and later on one that grafted on to it, the Plum in the Golden Vase (Jin Ping Mei). While "Wu" is a surname," "Dalang" literally means a) "big man" or b) "the elder brother".

In both novels, Dalang was storied as the puny elder brother of Wu Song, aka the mighty "Tiger Slayer," whose eyes, as depicted in the novels shone like stars, with eyebrows that never fail to draw together to point skyward. The earth cracks when his feet move and the sky rumbles when his fists hit -- in short, the finest, handsomest warrior the world could ever have known.

In stark contrast, the elder Wu was anything but. Made a humble living by selling steamed pie (炊餅), he was ugly and short, thus widely known as "three-inch nail with the face of bark" (三寸釘谷樹皮). His marriage to his adulterous wife Pan Jinlian was described by neighbors as "a rose stick onto a pile of cow dung" (薔薇插在牛糞上). He was poisoned by Pan soon after he caught her and lustful womanizer Ximon Qing in the act for adultery.

Because Wu Dalang's fame is so fabled, the name has in times become an euphemism to describe: a) a short and ugly guy or b) a man who's been cheated by his wife.

(Illustration showing the reunion of Wu Dalang and Wu Song from China-on-site.com)

Little by little, a 'code of honor' has developed over centuries in the baking trade to form a tradition that only men with height disadvantage can sell baked pies in this style and claim it Wu Dalang Baked Pie with legitimacy in China, with the Yanggu Prefecture in Shandong the only exception. It's all because this prefecture is the place originating the baked pie of Wu Dalang as say so in the two classics above-mentioned. You can't escape from seeing these "small, but perfectly formed" Wu Dalang Pies selling in bales with all kinds of flavor no matter wherever turn. They eat this all day long for breakfast, lunch, dinner and for snacks and suffice to say, they simply can't manage to find enough small person to bake the tricks.

Fish, fish, fish and fish Fish Soup Specialist

Chinese characters, invented some 5000 years ago, is believed by most to be the oldest "surviving" writing system still in use. The Egyptian hieroglyphs is gone, so as the cuneiform script of the Sumerian; but our little "square-block characters" prevails after all.

Not only is it indomitable, but it's also as fun as Sokudo to play along with.

Lets start the game with the character "木," which by itself it means a log. In goes another piece aside, you have "林", which means woods. Before you get lost in the woods, add one more atop still and it gets into "森", giving plenty of woods to form a forest. Good time-killer, no?

Take another character "火" or fire in English for example. Double it with one down, you have "炎", meaning the heat of fire. By adding two at the bottom, you have "焱". Know what this means? It means the flame of fire. Still, stretching it further to the limit, you can heat up the combustion by adding one spark more and witness the very becoming of "燚", which, according to Kangxi Dictionary, means a mass of fire.

Then we have "聶", a combination of three small "耳" (or ear to you). By multiplying one ear to three and each close to other, we have a character that signals "whisper".

You see, all this elbow grease I'm doing here helps to prove one thing: the title today is not a typo. Thanks to the great mind of my ancestors, the shop I'm introducing is called "Fish, fish, fish and fish, Fish Soup Specialist" (can you say this five times in a row without mistake?!). First one is for the character "魚", then three in a row for the character "鱻", a nearly forgotten character meaning umami, and the last one telling you what kind of aquatic animal the soup is made of.

Soup of tassled scorpionfish, or weedy stingfish

Soup of trevally

In one English line, indulge me, this joint sells soups of fishes.

You got to hand it to our ancestors.

Yu Sin's Fish Soup Specialist 魚鱻魚湯專門店
98 Ivy Street, Tai Kok Tsui, Kowloon
Tel: 3620.2660
Opening hours: 11am - 11pm

Chinese New Year Fai Chuns for my foodie readers!

Friend yesterday pointed me to an interactive page of the DiscoverHongKong website for Fai Chun (揮春). You know, those lucky messages written on red paper people hang around their houses and offices during Chinese New Year. There're many variants of them listed in the page; some wishes fortune be with you, some a plenty of money and treasure and, some good health and so on.

While they're all music to the ears, they somehow missed to tickle the exact itching of we foodies, right? You know how we finicky foodies can be sometimes. With this in mind, I decided to pluck out some auspicious messages bespoke for no one but you in mind like I did two years ago. Do try, clutter some or all of these associative fai chuns around your domains, with which all begin with the Chinese character "食" (eat), you'll be blessed for a most ambrosial and eventful Year of the Pig ahead!

Stories of Chinese Cleaver Part II: The morbid side of dim sum

[Note: After this post, the blog will go on hiatus for about 2 weeks ~ I'll be eating some very exotic food in Yunnan, China]

Regulars of this blog should know I love all things dim sum. If you're one and you don't you really need a checkup on your observation powers.

Anyways, today in 'Eat my Lingo!', I want to tell you what the term 'dim sum' really means -- at least to some. Not trying to cry a big wolf here, but I think there's a morbid side of dim sum you may want to know.

I know what you're thinking: Right dude, like we need you so much to teach us this. We all know perfectly well what dim sum is. Chinese style snacks to go along with Chinese tea when we 'yum cha,' right? And it literally means 'touch your heart' or 'heart's delight,' right?' Well, yes and no. I'm not trying to blow my own trumpet here by saying you're all wrong, but I think I need to point out to you that there's a wild side of dim sum that somehow means exactly the opposite. A version of the dim sum story that will change the way you see the dim sum you knew...

During the pre-modern era in China, the authorities decreed different grades of mutilation to be meted out to condemned prisoners.  Being strung up was one and dying by guillotine was another, while the worst form of death was by "Lingchi". Although it may appear that the guillotine should rank higher in the first two, most felons actually preferred to hang themselves to death to beheading. In fact, death by hanging is lyrically labeled as a "mercy" death 賜自縊 since the Chinese vastly preferred to die with the body intact.

The cruelest sentence is the infamous "death by a thousand cuts," where the condemned is sentenced to be sliced alive piece by piece with a sharp cleaver. This is called Ling-chi 凌遲 in Chinese, where ling means humiliation and chi putting off -- a perfect reflection of the inhuman mutilation. It goes without saying that this is the most painful way to end life.

Wax and wane, relatives or friends of the unlucky prisoner condemned to ling-chi hit upon the idea of bribing the torturer so that he'd kill the condemned discreetly before the gnawing process began. The bribed torturers would then end the executee's life first with a stab to the heart, the most vital organ of a body. This surreptitious coup de grace was simply but effectively called 'point to the heart'  -- dim sum in Chinese. This is the reason why Beijing locals in the old days never called dim sum as we do nowadays but as 'gao dian' 糕點 or 'bo bo' 餑餑.

This is also why the tip of the cleaver be so sharp, just so you may want to know.

Stories of Chinese Cleaver Part I: The Fall of General Han Xin

When I was a kid, I was often coaxed or even forced to go to see Chinese opera with my mom, especially those Beijing ones, of which she is extremely fond. At that time, I always went with a sense of childish revolt. I mean, I can't talk with my classmates about Chinese opera. I wanted my Nintendo gameboy, I wanted my Transformer cartoons on TV. But looking back now, that was probably one of the best things that ever happened during my childhood and I am very grateful to my mom for this. You see, as short as the plays were, mostly half an hour or even less, opera can nevertheless put seemingly very trivia stories under a magnifying glass and show through to the audience the richness of the fabric of historical events much better than boring history lessons.

Anyway, it's 'Eat My Lingo' time again and what I want to share with you today is a story about the Chinese cleaver: the Fall of Han Xin斬韓信, which is quite a popular number in Chinese opera.

Han Xin is one of the best-known generals and military strategists in Chinese history. Often been regarded as the "Alexander the Great" of the East, Han Xin was never defeated and took over all of China almost single-handedly when he was the chief Marshal for Liu Bang, (who later became the first emperor of the Imperial Han). His military talent was unparalleled and his battle tactics were required studies for generals for generations. To a large extent, the invention of board game Xiangqi and the kite were attributed to him, both being devices to help him in developing war stratagem.

Despite Han Xin's great contribution to the establishment of the dynasty, Liu Bang had always considered him a great threat to the empire which just had to be removed. The opportunity eventually materialized one day when a letter of rebellion from Han Xin to his friend general Chen Xi was intercepted by Empress Liu. Empress Liu instantly demanded prime minister Xiao He, Han Xin's long time best friend ironically, to head off this crisis. Reluntantly, Xiao He hoaxed Han Xin into the imperial palace, captured him and showed him the letter before executing him for treason.

When the letter was shown to Han Xin, he said, "you always have wins and losses in life. I have only Chen Xi and his incompetence to regret. As far as I am concerned, I'm not who I am without my rebellious heart!" Thereupon, he walked around and looked high and low. Xiao He asked him what was he thinking and he said, "I look up upon the sky (heaven), it shan't kill Han Xin; I look down upon the earth (the nether world), it shan't kill Han Xin; I look around people, they shan't kill Han Xin!" 他道、「我仰观天，天不杀韩信，俯观地，地不杀韩信，中观世人，世人不杀韩信。」-- It's worth mentioning that when Han Xin was a student studying the art of war (as well as the five elements of witchcraft, 五行之術), his mentor, in order to boost Han Xin's confidence to achieve greatness, promised Hon Xin that he would put a magic spell to seal all the swords and spears in the world so that none can give damage to Han Xin. The mentor also reminded Han Xin again and again that he should never wear clothes in peach colour*.

Right this moment, however, a young lady cook showed up out of the blue and threw down a cleaver on the ground in front of Han Xin. "Prince of Chu," the cooklady addressed, "you know all the swords and spears of the universe, but do you know what this is?" Hon Xin was shocked - it suddenly occurred to him that while his mentor had sealed all weapons in the world, the cleaver was never in the picture**. He then asked the name of this kitchen lady, to which the woman replied, "my name is Peach***." His mentor's warning was now spinning all over Han Xin's head. Without saying a single word more, he went to pick up he cleaver and cut his own throat with it.

Note*: Han Xin's mentor is not queer. Outfits for the nobles in ancient China, esp. before the Sung dynasty, were surprisingly way more colorful than those of modern days. If you can turn back the time and go to the Tang dynasty, you can see some dresses on the street that make even premeire whore Bai Ling blush.
Note**: Given that Confucius once said, "a gentleman should stay away from the kitchen," it is not uncommon for intellectuals and generals to know nothing about kitchenware.
Note***: As idiosyncratic as it seems, Peach (Tao, 桃 in Chinese) is actually a fairly common family name in China.

One funny thing is, if you go to visit the grave of Han Xin, which still exists somewhere in the Jingzhou province today, you will see a pair of poetic couplets on the tomb that reads: "生死一知己，存亡兩婦人," which means "Life and death in one friend, rise and fall by two women." His best friend Xiao He was the one who gave him new life by tapping his talent and introducing him to Liu Bang; yet it was also Xiao He who plotted his demise. Han Xin lived in poverty when he was young. One time, when he was almost dying of hunger, a old woman took pity on him and fed him for weeks. Contrarily, as shown above, a kitchen lady with a cleaver was partly responsible for the dramatic downfall of this great general.

Water spinach: veggie without heart

“比干是暴君紂王的叔父，也是商朝的丞相，為人忠耿正直，經常勸諫被妲己迷惑的紂王。因此令妲己懷恨在心。妲己對紂王假說自己心絞痛復發，需以七竅玲瓏的心作藥引才能治愈，而忠臣的心必定是七竅 玲瓏，於是紂王便命人向比干剖腔取心。姜子牙得知此計，遂以法術護住比干，讓比干無心卻仍能生存，並囑比干被取心後要盡快離開殷商。比干把心挖出，逃開時遇到一 個賣空心菜的老嫗，在市集叫賣空心菜。比干路過時聽見，趨前一問何為空心菜，老嫗曰：「民婦賣的是無心菜。」比干曰：「人若無心如何？」老嫗答：「菜無心可吃，人無心當死。」比干驚覺自己無心，遂倒地死去。” 

                                                                                《封神榜》

"Bigan (比干) was the uncle of tyrant Zhou (紂王) and the prime minister of the Shang Dynasty (商朝) as well. He was a man widely renowned for his uprightness and loyalty. Since he been pressurizing tyrant Zhou to stay away from his concubine Daji (妲己) (a fox spirit in disguise) all along, tyrant Zhou and Daji had a deep grievance against Bigan and was trying to get rid of him every now and then. One day, Daji faked a heart attack in front of Emperor Zhou. When asked if there any way to cure heart disease, Daji said to the Emperor there's only one cure in this world and that is the heart of a righteous and loyal minister (implying Bigan's). Hearing this, the tyrant sent his servants right down to Bigan's residence and demand his heart.

Jiang Ziya (姜子牙), a demigod as well as a friend of Bigan, foresaw all this coming. He told Bigan not to worry and surrender his heart to the tyrant, given that he would put a spell on Bigan to protect him. Jiang further instructed Bigan to run away as soon as possible and talk to no one on his way. However, on his leaving way, Bigan came across a old woman touting water spinach, not knowing what that vegetable she was selling, Bigan curiously asked the woman what it was and she said to him it was hallow vegetable 空心菜 (lit. vegetable without heart). "What if a man without heart?" Bigan asked without realizing the danger still. The old woman murmured, "vegetable without heart is edible, but man without heart is lethal." Wtih this, the spell lost its magic and failed, Bigan suddenly came to realize that he is now a man without heart. Thereupon, he fell to his death right on the spot."

                                    Fengshen Bang, The Investiture of God (trans. by CXB)

Summer is such a great time to eat my favorite water spinach. To me, the best way to cook this veggie is sauteed with shrimp paste dressing. Simple and tasty.
 

My Beautiful Reward: Life is like a can of spam

No wonder some say one ounce of luck is better than a pound of wisdom -- I always believes that food blogging is a rewarding business -- just never in a multitude of 1.8 million pound sterlings and a runaway dad called K. Bao...

Racking my head with the full name of my daddy rolling stone. I must make up my mind whether it is Ketchup Bao or Kim Chi Bao before I show up in front of the bank manager with my briefcases. Need to look legit, right? Judging from the reason of death (industrial accident!), I tend to place my bet on Ketchup Bao:

From: gtchid gtchid < employed101@yahoo.com>
Date: Jul 19, 2006 9:30 PM
Subject: Re: Your strict sincerity - K. Bao's Fund
To: chaxiubao

Mr Geofrey Tchid

Director Treasury Department

Cmb Bank Dapaong-Togo

Dear Chaxiu Bao

I am the above named and addressed. My intention of writing you this brief notice is to seek your confidence and unbias efforts in a partnership that will be of immense mutual benefits for both of us.

I hereby bring to your knowledge about records of unclaimed fund with total sum of £1.8 million, British Pounds Sterlings that I discovered during one of my routine checks and records updates belonging to a rich business magnet (Mr K. Bao) who died as a result of industrial accident back in the year 2004. I also found out that there was no records of next of kinship mentioned in the ICP data folders of this bank account.You have the advantage here to be presented as the next of kin to this fund, since this deceased person was a foreigner, which makes it difficult for an indigenous person to be presented to the claim, hence the reason why I have contacted you. Our bank internal policy as it relates to unclaimed foreign dormant accounts demands that after a period of 415 days of non funtionalbility of such bank account, then it will be declared as unservisable and thereafter gets confiscated via the central bank to the government pulse.

I hereby wish to present you to this claim in order to avoid such a negative situation. Upon your positive response to this convenant, I will give you more guildlines to the claim, release and transfer of this fund to your choosen bank account. We will also discuss the sharing ratio, which will be of more benefit to you since my wish is to avoid this account from being confiscated. Kindly send your swift response through my alternative email address.

I am waiting for your immediate and positive response to this call.

Yours sincerely,

Mr Geofrey Tchid

Director,Treasury Department

Cmb Bank Dapaong

                           
                        YOU ARE BLESSED TODAY

                  THIS IS AUTHORISED IN THE BOK OF LIFE !

                              Geofrey Tchid...